When I read that verse a few days ago, it stuck in my head. I kept tossing the words around in my head. I've read those words many times, but never stopped to ask myself, "What ARE the desires of my heart."
Without getting into a theological discussion of what it means to "delight in the Lord", or the context of the Psalm, my answer would be that my heart desires a time machine. I don't care if it's a Delorean with flux capacitor, Dr. Who's TARDIS or just a swirling hole in the space-time continuum - I desire to go back in time.Back to when my best friend had not succumbed to cancer; back to before my parents became categorized as "aging"; back to when there was a world of possibility before us; and, most of all, back to when two toddlers depended on me. Back to Lincoln Logs on the living room floor, sticky kisses on my cheek, and the fifth viewing of Winnie-the-Pooh and the Blustery Day in a row.
You may have guessed, but I'm feeling a bit nostalgic these days. In one month, Mitch and Amanda will both graduate from college. In three months, Mitch will get married. Their lives are filled with questions about where to live and where to work - that great big world of possibilities. And it's amazing to watch them! I can't begin to say how proud I am of the people they have become.
But I miss the people they used to be. Not the moody, rebellious teenagers - don't think I'll ever miss them - but the adorable little creatures that climbed on my lap to read a book or napped on my shoulder.
But, you know - if you had asked that young mom what her heart desired, she probably would have answered, "Time for reading or sewing, a bit of privacy, and to never have to tie shoes again." Hmm...that sounds an awful lot like my life now. Maybe some hearts are never satisfied.
I think wanting a time machine is very normal - I also think that it's important to do things up right the first time so that you have no regrets . . . and I KNOW you did it up right the first time with Wanda . . . I still remember the stories you would tell me about her and how faithful you were to take her for treatments. I KNOW you did it up right with your kids also . . . through the struggles that come with parenting . . . the proof is in the fact that they are grown up and they still like you :) no they love you and they are wonderful young people ready to be useful in the world - both choosing professions where they are much needed and can give care to others. That being said . . . I'd also give anything to spend one whole day with a l0 year old boy and a 5 year old tomboy girl and climb in the tree house and ride the golf cart and let them eat whatever they wanted and do no homework . . . only a mom thinks these things . . .
ReplyDeleteNo, we're never satisfied. Guess that's why we should be satisfied in the Lord. To be content in all circumstances as Paul says. Your not really not satisfied though, your just nostalgic! Just think you have grand kids to look forward to now! I heard a teaching on that verse 'the desires of our hearts' years ago that was interesting. They said when we delight in The Lord He gives us the desires of our heart as in he adjusts our desires to be more in line with his desires for us. Interesting! Wish I could remember who it was I was listening too.
ReplyDeleteWe seldom appreciate what we have when we have it. I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately and I have times when I wish I could go back but would I have done things differently? Of course if we knew then what we know now but that's not how it works. We live and learn. I try hard to give my own life lessons to my children but they don't want to listen because they also need to live and learn. All we can do now is make sure each day is as amazing as we can make it. I feel like I went from 30 to 60 in the blink of an eye and I often want that time back. ((HUGS))
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