Just Thought You Should Know...

On Wednesday I celebrated my 50th birthday.  It was a milestone for me, an important day in history, a day that will live in infamy.... Ok,maybe not that big.  However, May 25th has been the date of some more historic milestones.  It is the birthday of Mike Meyers, Robert Ludlum, and Ralph Waldo Emerson, among others. The Gateway Arch in St. Louis was dedicated on that day in 1968.  The Constitutional Congress opened in Philadelphia on May 25, 1787.

May 25th is a red-letter day in sports: 

• On May 25, 1935, Jesse Owens broke three world records and tied another at the Big Ten Track and Field Championships in Michigan—in just 45 minutes.  
• On that same day, Babe Ruth hit  the last three homers of his career in a game against the Pirates.
• New York Giant Willie Mays played his first major league game on May 25, 1951 (went 0 for 5). 
• On May 25, 1965, Muhammad Ali defeated Sonny Liston to win the heavyweight boxing title for the first time.  

Some milestones are more serious.  On May 25, 1955, the town of Udall, Kansas, was destroyed by a tornado.  Eighty people lost their lives.

Probably the most famous May 25th event occurred on May 25, 1961 (yes, the very day I was born).  President John F. Kennedy spoke before a joint session of congress.  His speech on "urgent national needs" included this line: 

"First, I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth."

It's My Party!

Today is my 50th birthday so,

 instead of blogging,

 I'll be partying.  I'll be back tomorrow.

In the mean time:

Aging Gracefully - Part V

Part V in a series of musings and ramblings concerning turning 50.  Today's entry is a continuation of my version of "I'm Over All That", based on the book by Shirley MacLaine

I’m over schedules.  Unfortunately, the world doesn’t allow me to be completely over this one – but I’m giving it my best shot.

I’m over playing the piano in public.  It makes me nervous.  It makes me frustrated.  It sucks all the fun out of playing.  So I’m done.

I will never be over conversations and listening.  This is a lesson learned from Dave.   For the majority of our adult life we have been the “new people”.  We’ve spent a lot of time getting to know new people.  Dave taught me to talk to people – even if it’s just the clerk at the convenience store.  Strike up a conversation and listen to what’s being said.  People are fascinating.  This thought is connected to the “rude behavior” section from a couple days ago.  Put down the cell phone, slow down,  and talk to people - more important - listen to people. 

I will never be over words.  I collect words. I have a notebook where I keep my favorite lines from books - strings of words that are more than the sum of the parts.  I am amazed at – and envious of – the ability to piece together common words to create a picture.

I will never be over dogs.  Another lesson learned from Dave.  Dogs are best friends, comforters, companions, healers, and much more.   *Update:  With the addition of Gabby to our household, and the subsequent squabbling between the two dogs, I may be closer to “over it” than I thought.  Update 10/9/11 - I'm over them.  SO SO over them!  I will never voluntarily bring another dog into my home.  So just scratch this one of the list.

Thanks for reading along with my random thoughts on turning 50.  Some of them have been controversial, some of them have been frivolous, but they can really all be summed up in one "I'm over it" thought:

I’m over pretending and I’m over apologizing. - I am a Baby Boomer - born between 1946 and 1964.  I am a registered Republican.  I was a stay-at-home mom.  I am a college drop-out.  All of these statements are true and when you read them, you form a picture of me based on the stereotypes of those categories.  But that's not a complete picture - that's not really me.  

For years i bought into the ideas of what I should be and what I should like based on labels and expectations.   Being "the elevator guy's wife" in small, agriculturally-based towns, I have to censor what I say, even to close friends, because often their husbands are my husband's customers.  Family has their own idea of who I should be, based only on history.  Every time we move, a new community forms their view of me with no history.  Few people have the complete picture, and I've spent a lot of years pretending to be what each of them expected, and apologizing when I wasn't.  But I'm over it.

I'm over pretending to like "classic rock" because that's what's expected of my generation.  I'm over apologizing for listening to light opera and classical music.  I'm over pretending to be anti-everything-Democrat.  I'm over apologizing for not having a "career".  I'm over "dumbing down"  because I don't have a diploma.  I'm over reading books just because they look more intellectual on my blog.  I'm over being anything but me.

The best friend I've ever had was a lovely lady named Wanda.  Her husband wasn't involved in farming so there was no conflict there.  She took the time to ask questions and listen so she knew my history, plus she paid attention to what was happening now so she new my life - she knew me.  And she accepted that with no provisos.  That's a rare quality in a friend.  Although she's been gone more than six years, she left me with the knowledge that the true "me" is a person who is worthy of friendship, and that's the best birthday gift of all.  

Aging Gracefully - Part IV

"Timeless" by Under the Glass

Part IV in a series of musings and ramblings concerning turning 50.  Today's entry is a continuation of my version of "I'm Over All That", based on the book by Shirley MacLaine

I’m over gossip.  “Refuse to waste time dwelling on the faults of others.” (Nothing's Too Small by Urbanska and Levering)  What is happening in someone else’s life is only relevant to me if I can “rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)  Otherwise it’s not my business.

I’m over drama.  Urban Dictionary defines drama as 
1. overreacting or greatly exaggerating the importance of benign events.
2. making a big deal over something unnecessarily.

It has become the lifeblood of teens and the favorite hobby of way too many adults.  I’ve had enough to last at least another fifty years.  Over it, over it, over it!

I’m over “stuff”.    The American Dream has become a nightmare of “possession overload.”   I can’t remember where I heard this saying, but I love it:  “We buy stuff we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” 

While packing for our recent move, Dave and I did some major “shedding” of stuff.  I got rid of things I had kept only because they were gifts, or because they were too good to throw away.  We had a garage sale, gave some to friends, donated some to the thrift store, and made many, many trips to the dumpster.  Although we are now in a smaller house, it gives me a more spacious feeling because I know what we have and I know where it is. (Except the stuff I don’t put back where it belongs, or the stuff I laid down and then forgot…) 

I’m not proposing emptying my house and living in a tent.   I’m proposing exchanging quantity for quality. If I have less, I can have better – and still save money.  The key is in having only things I really like.  Mahatma Ghandi said, “As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, you should keep it… Only give up a thing when you want some other condition so much that the thing no longer has any attraction for you.”   I want the joy of being surrounded by things I love, and the simplicity of having less, more than I want the actual stuff.

Having only things you love can’t be accomplished overnight, unless a) you can afford to refurnish your entire house in one shopping trip, b) you have no possessions you bought just because they were a good deal, or c) you have no possessions you really don’t like but they were gifts so guilt is kicking in.  I have a $12 lamp on my end table that I bought because I needed a lamp and it was a bargain.  In fact, it wasn’t a bargain - it was a cheap lamp that frequently falls apart.  Some day I will replace it with a higher quality lamp that I really like and will be happy with for years.  Then I’ll be out the cost of the new lamp, plus $12.  In the mean time, I still need a lamp on that table so it remains.  Which brings me to my next point…

I’m over “recreational shopping”.   This is how the cheap lamp ended up on my table.  I wasn't lamp shopping, I was just wandering,  looking for "stuff".  Had I been on a purposeful shopping trip to purchase a lamp, I wouldn't have been in Dollar General.  Shopping as a hobby or as therapy breeds discontent, empties my purse, and fills my house with all that stuff I ended up shedding.  I can walk into Target as a perfectly content woman who just needs to pick up a set of shower curtain rings, and within ten minutes I am certain that my life can not continue without DwellStudio Bird and Blossom decorative pillows.  And I will certainly never find happiness if I don’t have the Tassimo Hot Beverage System in Glamour Red.  Just minutes ago life was good, but now I’m sad because I don’t have all this stuff!

I’ll never be over doing the right thing – even though it has been proven that, occasionally, it will come back and bite you in the ass.  Hypothetically (wink, wink), you could do the right thing at work and it ends up costing you your job.  But still do the right thing the next time.

I’ll never be over creating.  I believe we are made in God’s image and, since He is the Creator, we have an innate desire to create also.  Whether it is writing, quilting, knitting, carpentry, cooking, glass-blowing or party planning – we all have a need to express ourselves.

To be continued...

Aging Gracefully - Part III

"Timeless Books" by Lin Pernille Photography

Part III in a series of musings and ramblings concerning turning 50.  Today's entry is a continuation of my version of "I'm Over All That", based on the book by Shirley MacLaine.


I’m over following the rules and fads of fashion and design. “True style means simply being your own person.” (Nothing's Too Small, Urbanska and Levering)  Let’s face it, my home is not a Better Homes and Gardens layout, and I’m not a supermodel.  At 50, I have accepted those facts and I’m over trying to adorn either of them to impress the clerk at the grocery store, my daughter, or the church committee ladies.  I know what I like, what is and isn't flattering and what makes me feel good about myself.  Good enough.

I’m over spending time on hair styling and make-up.  Not that I’m giving either of them up completely, but I’ve stopped trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, and have refined them both to a quick routine that is as flattering as possible without professional assistance. Too much time and money has been spent trying to retrieve the thick, bouncy hair of my youth. I have come to terms with the fact that I either wear my hair short or look like a balding chipmunk.  As for cosmetics, my theory is that makeup applied incorrectly makes you look older, and as we age, the range of appropriate colors for eyes, lips and cheeks narrows substantially.  I have refined my makeup choices to a few essentials.

I’m over political correctness at the expense of truth.  “I reject your reality and substitute my own,” is one of my favorite Mythbuster lines, and I use it on occasion to humorously avoid admitting I’m wrong.  But I can’t actually create my own reality.  Lowering the standards in schools so that all students are on the Honor Roll looks good on paper, but it doesn’t make them all academically equal.  There’s a difference between sparing someone’s feelings and denying reality.  If I am offended at being called “old” and choose to refer to myself as “chronologically advanced”, that’s fine – but it doesn’t change my age.  “Tami is 50” is still the truth. 

I’ll never be over learning.  I didn’t finish my bachelor’s degree.  I was twenty and I knew it all.  That stuff they were teaching in college wasn’t interesting and didn’t pertain to me.  I got a job working for the university and I was happy.  Then I got married and had children and I was even happier.  The consensus was that I needed to finish my degree “in case something happens to Dave”.   But we never lived near enough to a college to allow that (there were no on-line classes then) and, honestly, I never cared much.  As it turned out, Dave’s still alive and well, the kids are grown and realistically, even if I had had a degree, I probably would still have ended up working clerical and secretarial jobs in the string of small towns where we’ve lived.  There weren’t a lot of opportunities.

But sometime over the years I discovered the joy of learning – just for the sake of learning.  Did you know that you can actually get a Bachelor of General Studies?  (Really, I looked it up.)  You get to learn a little science, a little history, a little art – like glass blowing.  How cool is that? Someone should have mentioned that thirty years ago!  I want to learn art history.  I want to re-learn American history - I wasn't paying attention in class.  I want to learn to knit.  I want to speak Spanish and Italian.  I want to read classic literature.  I want to answer all the questions on Jeopardy.  Ok, I still don’t want to learn math or any science that involves dissecting, but I’ll never be over learning. 

"You can be too rich and too thin, but you can never be too well read or too curious about the world.” - Tim Gunn

To be continued...

Aging Gracefully - Part II

Part II in a series of musings and ramblings concerning turning 50.


While Shirley McLaine and I certainly differ on a lot of views, I loved her concept for her latest book, I’m Over All That.  

At a certain time in life, we all come to realize what is truly important to us and what just doesn't matter.  In this wise, witty, and fearless collection of small observations and big-picture questions, Shirley MacLaine shares with readers all those things that she is over dealing with in life, in love, at home, and in the larger world... as well as the things she will never get over, no matter how long she lives.

In fact, I loved it so much that – with credit and thanks to Ms. MacLaine – I have written  my own list of things I’m over, some I’ll never be over and some I’m still working on. 

I’m over drive-through windows.  I hate the things and I refuse to use them except when absolutely necessary.  (It’s the only way to get a Sonic Strawberry Lime-Ade).  They are impersonal, frustrating and part of the cult of speed I choose not to join.  Besides, I usually have to go inside to use the restroom anyway.

I’m over pantyhose and heels.  The contortions, hot flashes and aching feet associated with wearing these two items serve no productive purpose at this age.  They are reserved for funerals and Easter Sunday.

I’m over rude behavior.  There is a scarcity of common courtesy, manners and respect in the world.  We taught our son to hold doors, and to offer his seat to a woman or his elder.  We taught our daughter to accept these courtesies graciously. There is nothing sexist or demeaning in that.  “It has to do with noticing our fellow human beings and saying, ‘I recognize that you’re on this planet, and I don’t want a door hitting you in the face.’” - Tim Gunn.  We taught them both to say please and thank you, to give assistance where they can, to speak respectfully, to write a thank-you note when they receive a gift, and to apologize when they are wrong.  I’m not so deluded that I think they always follow these rules – I have lapses myself – but they are some of the basic guidelines for how I choose to live my life, how I hope my children live, and how I expect to be treated in return.

Technology has played a large role in sucking the civility out of the world.  It creates the illusion of an isolated world that consists of just me and my music or conversation.  Why should the person on the other end of your cell phone take precedence over the people you are contacting face-to-face? Hang up and give your full attention to the person taking your order, ringing up your purchase or just saying “Good Morning” as you pass - not to mention the friends, family or co-workers who are actually in the car, in the room, or at the table with you.   Same goes for texting.  

And speaking of texting… the delusion of anonymity in e-mails, texts and Facebook adds to the rudeness quotient.  People say things via electronics that they wouldn’t have the nerve to say (or that they would wise up and re-think) in person.  My greatest regret as the parent of teens was allowing texting, instant messaging and Facebook.  

While I can’t control how others behave – including my own children, at this point – I choose to be over rude behavior and not participate.

I’ll never be over books in paper form.  This is not to say that I dislike the convenience of Nooks and Kindles, or that I wouldn’t like to own one just because they’re cool – but I will never be over browsing library aisles, pulling a book out to examine and returning it to it’s spot in the ordered line-up.  I will never be over that first moment when you step into a bookstore and are surrounded by shiny new covers all calling “read me” like a literary Audrey II.   I will never be over opening a dog-eared, cracked-spined paperback to find old friends.

I’ll never be over General Hospital.  I’ve known these people for thirty years.  I remember when Luke and Laura first met; when Jesse Brewer commanded the nurses desk; when Heather Webber discovered P.J. Taylor was actually her son, Stephen Lars.  I’ve stuck with them through heart transplants, car bombs, AIDS, mob wars, mental illness, rape, evil twins, hostage crises, Mr. Big and the Ice Princess – I can’t abandon them now.

To be continued...

Aging Gracefully, Part I

With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. 

-  William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice

With the approach of my fiftieth birthday, I’ve been looking back at how I’ve spent those years - what I’m proud of and what I could have done better.  I found that many things made both lists – marriage, motherhood, friendships.  But, since I can’t re-live the good or erase the bad, I’ve shifted my focus to what’s ahead.  How can I “finish well”? (That phrase was passed on to me by my sister, Teri.)  

During these last few days leading up to my birthday, I will be sharing a series of posts containing lessons I’ve learned, things I want to change, brilliant insights, and random thoughts about turning 50.   Disclaimer:  These are my views based on my experiences. Please, no hate mail, lawsuits or throwing of fruits and vegetables.

Over the past year, some of my reading choices have reflected my search for wisdom and I am borrowing generously from several:

Gunn’s Golden Rules by Tim Gunn
Is it Just Me (or is it Nuts out There)? by Whoopi Goldberg
Nothing’s Too Small to make a Difference by Wanda Urbanska and Frank Levering
I’m Over All That by Shirley McLaine. 

I have narrowed my goals to these three ideas:

1. Live simply.
2. Live graciously.
3. Act justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God. - Micah 6:8

Living simply:   The word “simple” means 1) easy to understand, deal with, or use; 2) not elaborate or artificial.  So “simple living” should be uncomplicated, comfortable and genuine, right?  Yet, when I Googled that phrase, most of what I found seemed neither comfortable nor uncomplicated.  First was the “off the grid” end of the spectrum that encouraged me to wash my clothes in a hand crank washer and build my own windmill.  The second camp wanted me to buy all their products – water bottles, t-shirts, shopping bags – to proclaim my commitment to simplicity.  There were even  “simple entertaining” sites with blueprints for no-fuss dinner parties that would stump a structural engineer and cost enough to feed a family of four for a month.  

My idea of simple living is to weed out those possessions, relationships, commitments  and attitudes that cause stress or take more time to maintain than they are worth.  It’s not a fool-proof plan.  There are some stresses you can’t eliminate.  But I can control my response.  Which leads to...

Living graciously:  Not “gracious” as defined by glossy magazines that push elegance and luxury, but gracious as defined by Webster’s:  pleasantly kind, benevolent, courteous, merciful or compassionate.  

The complete text of Micah 6:8 is "He has showed you, O man, what is good.  And what does the Lord require of you?  To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."  Moving to a new town naturally means find a new church.  How fortunate for me that it coincided with this bout of introspection.  Researching the various churches in our new community has given me an amazing opportunity to re-examine my faith.  Thanks, again, to Teri for pointing out this scripture verse.  I think it says it all.

For more of my dazzling insights and witty commentary, 

don't miss Parts II - V of Aging Gracefully.