Sandwich Anyone?

The Sandwich Generation is a relatively recent catchphrase to describe people who are pressed between caring for aging parents and raising children.  I didn't think it would every apply to us - my parents are mid-seventies but in very good health, and Dave's parents just turned seventy.  Our youngest child is now twenty.  In two more years, God willing, both kids will graduate from college (on the same day from colleges 125 miles apart - but we'll figure that out later).  I believed that by the time we needed to care for parents, our children would be self-sufficient.  But this week I'm feeling a bit "pinched".

I've written before about Dave's mother's battle with Alzheimer's for the last ten-plus years. For most of that time we lived seven hours away so we weren't involved in the daily care.  Now she has moved to a nursing home and again, her daily care is provided by others. Without her at home, there is no need for Dave's dad to maintain a 3 bed, 3 bath home, so he is moving into an apartment.  Obviously, this requires major downsizing, cleaning, sorting, packing, hauling...  We need to be down there helping, but life gets in the way.  Jobs and other obligations fill days.  We live closer now, but it's still a four hour trip, which means it's difficult to do for one day, but we've done it several times.  Staying over means two days off work, boarding the dogs, yada, yada, yada...

On the children side of this sandwich, at 20 and 21, most of the time they are independent.  We go visit, we talk by phone and computer, we send money and advice, but on a day-to-day basis they handle their own lives. I'm certainly not complaining - they're wonderful!  It's the university and the IRS who are teaming up to flatten me a bit this week.

We have been "selected" (I love how they try to make this sound like a prize) to have to prove that our kids are really our kids and that the income we reported to the IRS is actually our income.  It's just paperwork and would be simple, if stupid, to complete - BUT the IRS has decided we don't really live where we live.  They also don't think we live at our old address.  Don't know where they think we went, but it's going to require a phone call to untangle and the wait times to speak to a person are phenomenal.  So - - - I can't make the phone call until I have a day off with plenty of time to sit on hold.  I don't have a day off till late next week because I rearranged my work schedule to make time for trips to take Amanda a new bed, another trip to accompany her to a doctor appointment, and a trip to help the father-in-law move.  (How do people with inflexible, full-time jobs get anything done?)

And in the middle, I'm trying to be a wife, keep house, garden ... have a life.  

Lest you think I'm whining - well, I AM whining, but lest you think I'm doing it disproportionately - I give all kinds of kudos, pats on the back, high fives and bows in awe to my sister-in-law, Steph, who has done the hands on stuff with her parents for the last five years, while raising two kids - one who is only 7 now.  She has a very special crown waiting in heaven for the way she has honored her parents. (I'll be wearing a plastic Barbie tiara from Wal-mart.)

We'll get through the next couple weeks, the father-in-law will get settled in his new spot and the house sale will close, school will start and somehow it'll all get paid for, and life will return to normal just in time for the next "crisis".

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 
- 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Meet Me At The Movies: Elvis!

Change of Habit - When I was young, back in the days when there were only four television  networks (ABC, CBS, NBC and PBS), the "late movie" came on each night at 10:30.  If the movie happened to star Elvis Presley, I begged Mom to let me stay up and watch.  Because she was such a softy, I've seen most of Elvis' movies - some several times.  I even had the soundtrack album to Spinout.  But I had never seen Change of Habit - Elvis' 31st, and last, movie.

This movie was a definite change from most Elvis movies, which were basically a thin plot to string together lots of opportunities for Elvis to sing.  Change of Habit only includes two songs - the title number and Rubberneckin' - and the story focuses on some deep subjects.

Three nuns - Mary Tyler Moore, Barbara McNair and Jane Elliot - move to an impoverished neighborhood to work in a medical clinic run by Dr. John Carpenter (Elvis).  Filmed in 1969, the story involves issues of race, women's rights, and autism - a condition mostly unknown at that time.

For General Hospital fans, Jane Elliott now plays Tracy Quartermaine on GH, and Barbara McNair appeared briefly on GH in 1984 as Aunt Bettina.  It took me a few minutes to recognize Jane, and I can't remember Barbara's GH character at all, but I thought it was a fun bit of trivia.  You can also spot a very young Ed Asner as the neighborhood policeman.

This was certainly the best written and acted of Elvis' movies, but I'll admit I wanted to hear him sing a little more.  I mean, it's Elvis...!

It Seems Like Yesterday . . .

Look at this couple . . . so young, so happy, so much hair!

That's Dave and I on July 17, 1982.  On Tuesday we celebrated 30 years.  In 1982 we were broke college kids, plus he proposed in April and we married in July, so there was no time or money for an engagement ring. We purchased matching wedding bands.  We've laughed many times about his less-than-romantic proposal, but I was 20-years-old and too excited to care about romance. 

Thirty years later, he proposed again

 - this time on one knee and with a gorgeous ring. 

 I said yes!

Six Word Saturday

Don't go into Mr. McGregor's garden!

Bunny Update:  We researched what to do with our lost bunny and found that he may not be lost at all.  All sites we read said that rabbits of this age/size will wander a distance from their nest during the day and that it is likely we will not see the mama, as she will only return at night.  Also, we were warned against trying to rescue him ourselves and that few wild rabbits live under those circumstances unless you are a professional rehab - which of course is not available here.  But there is good news!  As the web sites predicted, Peter Rabbit is nowhere to be found this evening, so we assume he has returned to his nest.  The lettuce and carrot we left him disappeared also. :)

Dave found this little guy in the yard a couple nights ago.  Don't know what happened to his mama or Flopsy, Mopsy and Cottentail.

To give you a little perspective on how small he is:

We checked on him last night, and he was still hiding under the rain spout.  I don't want to encourage rabbits near the garden, but we picked a couple lettuce leaves and a small carrot and left them for him to nibble until Mama returns. Hope she makes it before this little guy meets up with the mower - or the dogs when Dave's not there to control them. 

Anyone want to raise a rabbit?

Want to play along? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something in it) in exactly six words.  Then visit Cate at Show My Face to link up with other participants.

50 Shades of Controversy

If you haven't heard of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy, you've surely been hiding under a literary rock.  They are right up there with Harry Potter or The DaVinci Code for splitting readers into emphatic factions.  I have read the first two books of the three and find myself leaning towards the "pro" camp, but the books themselves are not what's really being debated.  

The books started as fan fiction - "stories about characters or settings written by fans of the original work, rather than the original creator...and almost never professionally published"*.  Fifty Shades is based on the characters from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series and originally appeared in serialized form on a fan web-site.  It went through several re-writes and adaptations and was eventually published in trade-paperback and ebook form.  And then began the firestorm.

I've never read the Twilight books - actually I read about half of the first one and realized that they weren't for me.  I just couldn't get interested in teenage vampires, or even teenage non-vampires.  So, the fact that Fifty Shades is based on those characters would have blown past me if it hadn't been so widely talked about. That seems to be one of the objections - even though the characters in Fifty Shades are older and the setting/premise is different, the basic relationship is not original.  However, can Twilight fans claim that Ms. Meyer is the first author to envision characters in a moth/flame relationship?  I suspicion that, if Fifty Shades had gone straight to publication without first being on a fan fiction site, few would have recognized it as such.

There's also controversy over the genre. It is pigeonholed as BDSM erotica.  In my opinion, the "erotica" classification is questionable.  I've read many, many excellent mainstream authors who write scenes just as steamy as these - Linda Howard, Sandra Brown, Karen Robards - but because they didn't involve the masochistic elements, they are classified as romance rather than erotica.  Honestly, I started the books with trepidation about the BDSM stuff, but it wasn't as frequent or graphic as I feared.  In fact, I loaned my copies to my daughter when she asked what I knew about them. Certainly not worse than what she can see on TV or read in a $5 paperback from Wal-Mart.  Still, the "guilty pleasure" stigma fanned the flames and made everyone curious.  Readers are disguising the cover when in public and whispering about it at the office.

As far as my review of the books, I'm really not going to write one.  I enjoyed the first two, and will eventually read the third.  They didn't have me bubbling with recommendations like some books, but neither did they have my struggling to finish them.  On the scale of books I've read, they fall above the center line.  But the writing style and plot are also not what is being so hotly debated.

The core issue is book snobbery.  Based on the Tweets and blog posts I've read, the vehement anti-Shades camp can mostly be subdivided into two groups: the Snooty and the Jealous.  (That should probably be developed into a Soap Opera.)  The Snooty dislike the books because they aren't "literary" enough.  Well, honestly, neither is a Stephanie Plum mystery or anything Nora Roberts ever wrote, but I enjoy them.  The Jealous are just annoyed that someone else got published, not to mention a movie deal and big bucks, without struggling through the usual channels.  There are those who disliked the books for any/all of the reasons a reader usually dislikes a book, but they aren't the ones raising a ruckus on-line.

The biggest surprise in this debate is the number of ruckus-raisers who haven't actually read the books.   You read that right - they are Tweeting their disgust, followed by "that's why I refuse to read them."  They are blogging lists of things they hate about the books, none of which involve actually picking up a copy.  I'm baffled!  Why?

Among nay-sayers who have read one or more of the books, there are those who are compiling lists of nit-picky details to dislike and airing their disdain on Twitter.  I'm sure these normally affable bloggers have read other books they didn't like, but still managed to write a review that said so without being derisive or mean-spirited.  I have received books for review that were so bad they were laughable, but I politely declined to post a review rather than insult the author or, for that matter, the readers who might disagree.  Why doesn't this author or these books get the same courtesy?

There are fifty shades of controversy surrounding the Fifty Shades series, but the biggest question is, why are so many people rushing to hate books?



*from wikipedia

A Puzzling Post: Gene Kelly

UPDATE:  Rather than writing a separate post for the answers to this puzzle, I refer you to commenter Lisa's solution which was correct!  Way to go!


In keeping with my summer obsession with classic movies, I've created a picture puzzle featuring my all-time favorite movie star - Gene Kelly.  He was a singer, dancer, actor, producer, director and choreographer.  And he's the original cinema heartthrob.  If teenage girls had hung posters on their bedroom walls in the 1940's, Gene Kelly would have been the top pin-up. His movie career lasted through the 50's, then expanded into TV movies and guest appearances until the mid 80's.  

Just in case you're not totally familiar with his movies, I'm giving you a hint by listing the movie titles.  Can you match the titles with the scene from the movie?

Click to enlarge

a.  Summer Stock

b.  Jack and the Beanstalk

c.  Singin' in the Rain

d.  Anchors Aweigh

e.  Take Me Out to the Ballgame

f.  The Three Musketeers

g.  An American in Paris

h.  Brigadoon

i.  Inherit the Wind

The Sister Olympics

From Friday, July 27 through Sunday, August 12, the world will be focused on the Olympic Games in London.  But in at least three households, there will be another competition going on:  The 2012 Sister Olympics. 

My sister, Teri, and I have both been working to lose weight and adopt a healthier lifestyle.  Our sister, Deb, is already thin and healthy, but she's joining us just for kicks.  We came up with our own list of events, with the goal of accomplishing as many as possible during those seventeen days.  Keep in mind that none of us is 45 anymore, some of us aren't as thin as we used to be (yet) and we were never college-caliber athletes. (One of us wasn't even jr. high caliber.)  We don't run!   

Dash:  Walk at 4 mph (or above) for 5 minutes 
Marathon:  Walk 5 miles at a minimum of 3 mph
Javelin: Play catch with baseball/softball for minimum of 15 minutes.
High Jump:  Jump rope for 5 minutes
Basketball:  MAKE 20 free throws
Rowing:  10 minutes on rowing machine or actual row boat.
Cycling:  Ride 10 miles (real bike or stationary)
Swimming:  Swim 30 minutes (laps, treading water or aerobics)
Weightlifting:  Bench press 50 lbs. 5 times.
Golf:  Play at least 5 holes
Gymnastics:  Do a 30-minute dance-type workout video or class

There is no prize for completing all the goals other than a feeling of accomplishment and looser pants, but neither is there a penalty if you don't do all eleven events.  We have a very laid-back Olympic Committee.  If you would like to join us, we welcome "honorary" sisters.  Feel free to adapt our goals up or down for your personal fitness level.