Dear Red Cross:
First off, God bless you for the lives you save! I am glad to have the opportunity to support the incredible work you do by giving blood, but here's the thing . . . Although you can't tell it by looking, I do have better things to do with my time than sit on a cold, lop-sided folding chair, answering repetitive questions. Let me sum up. Since I was here six weeks ago I have not injected any drugs - illegal or otherwise - with a new, used, rusty, or darning needle. I have not paid for, nor accepted payment for, sex, unless you count the pecan pie I made Dave. I have not traveled to Africa, and the only blood I've been in contact with was from swatting mosquitoes - and I think most of that was my own. So here's my idea: The Blood Donation 1040EZ! Question 1: Has anything at all changed since you were here last? If not, please skip questions 2 through 1357.
I appreciate your attempt to procure clean, healthy blood, but let me point out some flaws in your plan. Number one, I am not being paid to give blood. I am here by my own choice so there is no incentive for me to intentionally donate tainted blood. Number two - if there WERE such an incentive and I was so desperate for cash that I would sell my blood, would it be a stretch to think I might lie?
Also, although I understand the reasoning behind it, I still resent being asked to verify my name, social security number and birth date repeatedly. This is a small town. Even if I could imagine why I would want to have someone impersonate me at a blood drive (or vice-versa), the lady at the sign-in table greeted me by name and we sat next to the cookie lady at church last Sunday. The fake identity thing probably isn't going to fly.
The good far outweighs the annoyance, and the inconvenience won't stop me from donating. But it sure would be nice if the process could be streamlined. After all, there should be some benefit to living such an uneventful life.
The Blood Donor 1040EZ - You'll thank me later.