Life Under Construction: Finding Balance

"There's no such thing as a free lunch."  The origin of that common phrase is contested, but the veracity of the thought is not.  Dave, who has a degree in economics, calls that statement "all the theories of economics, simplified into one truth."  Everything costs someone something.  Even if it appears to be free to you, it is not free to the person who gave it to you.  

On a more personal level, even if we don't care about what it costs someone else, there is still a price to every choice - the "opportunity cost".  Everything we gain in life comes with a price - every choice we make costs us the "could haves".  When I order a corn dog, it costs me the opportunity to have a hamburger.  When I build a house on the beach, it costs me the view from the mountaintop.  Everything is a trade-off in some way.  

Google the phrase "finding balance" and you will get pages and pages of advice to help you balance your money, time, health, lifestyle, relationships and career, but they all boil down to give and take.  What are you willing to give up to have something else?

The dictionary defines balance as

1. An even distribution of weight, enabling something to remain upright and steady. 
2. A condition in which different elements are in the correct proportions.
3. Keep or put something in a steady position so that it does not fall.
4. To offset or compare the value of one thing with another.

That pretty much sums up life.  We weigh the benefits of each area against the costs until we find the combination that keeps us steady.  My job provides money which allows me to pay for "extras", such as books, hobby supplies, or travel; but at what cost?  I can afford a plane ticket to see my daughters in New Mexico, but I don't have enough vacation leave from my job to make the trip.  Spending my free time reading or sewing makes me happier than scrubbing floors or folding laundry, but it costs me the peace and convenience of an orderly home.  

The purchase of our own business has added a new element that needs to be balanced. I now have bookkeeping and clerical jobs for the construction company, as well as a full-time job and the usual responsibilities at home. There are more duties I would like to assume for our business, but not while working full-time.  We can adjust the budget to live without my income, but we would also give up the benefits.  When we went to Florida a few weeks ago, one of my goals was to spend some quiet time on the beach evaluating options and setting priorities - finding balance. It seemed so simple while we were there.  But in truth, balance is incredibly easy to find when other people are preparing your meals and cleaning up your messes.  It didn't translate well back to real life.

In reality, I spend 53 of the available 168 hours each week preparing for, traveling to and doing my job.  Subtract another 49 hours/week for sleep and I have 66 hours in each week to balance the "need to's" and the "want to's".

I know this is nothing new to any of you.  We all face the same challenges to find balance. In fact, it's not even a new topic for this blog.  Mainly, this is me talking out loud to work it out in my head.

I can hire someone to help with either the cleaning or the yard work.  It's a financial splurge that we can afford as long as I continue to work.  If I quit my job, I could handle the cleaning and yard work, plus the new business responsibilities, but would have less disposable income for hobbies and travel.  However, not working outside the home would cut the expenses of office wardrobe, gas and mileage, and eating out.  Everything seems to be tipping precariously at the moment as I struggle for that balancing point.

Free lunch anyone?

My Retreat

Dave was away from home for four days last week.  I'm not sure I've been home alone for that long in the last thirty-two years.  It was the perfect kick-off to that "independent" life I blogged about.  I had to work the first couple days, of course, but I had the evenings to fill, plus forty-eight weekend hours.  

With the exception of the hour I spent de-skunking two dogs, I really enjoyed myself.  I mixed some long-overdue household chores in with my favorite hobbies, so it wasn't a totally self-indulgent retreat, but I moved at my own pace, slept erratically, sewed in the wee hours and generally "did my own thing".

In addition to the Japanese Knot Bags and the Bunny Bag, I made a demo crazy-quilt bib using a variety of fabrics from my scrap pile. Maybe with more baby-friendly fabrics, I would like it better, but I'm not sure it's worth the work.  I think I'll try again with just one cute print.  I also made myself a mug rug - just for fun.

I decorated two journals because I saw cute ideas on Pinterest that I wanted to try.  They are both made from standard composition notebooks.  The small one is covered in a scrap of scrapbooking paper and embellished with ribbon and a pocket inside the front flap.  I covered the larger notebook by weaving strips of paper, then added a bit of ribbon and a luggage tag, for space to label the contents.  Since I haven't decided what to use it for, the tag is still blank. I'm sure inspiration will strike one of these days.

I also worked on my painting.  I have been trying to learn to paint with watercolors - guided by books from the library, YouTube videos and a lot of trial and error.  It may be the most relaxing thing I have ever done.  I can focus on the mixture of colors to the exclusion of all else.  

Reading and a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle featuring the covers of bestselling books rounded out my retreat.  But the true benefit wasn't in the fun of crafting or in the freedom to ignore the clock.  The solitude allowed time for reflection on relationships - with God, with family, with co-workers . . . Or the lack of relationships with friends and the wall I have built to discourage friendships . . . and the changes that need to be made in all of them to allow me to "live abundantly" in my Life Under Construction.  The biggest creative project I'm working on is me 

Life Under Construction: Independence

Independence:  freedom from control or influence
Independence:  freedom from support or aid

Every teenager dreams of independence - freedom from parental control.  Parents dream of the day their children become financially independent.   As I begin this new chapter of life, as empty-nester and partner with my husband in our new business, I am faced with another kind of independence - independence from immediate access. 

For the last ten years, we have both worked at jobs that were predominantly desk time, and allowed us to communicate by Instant Messenger or text.  Any time during business hours that I had an emergency, a question, information to relay, or saw something funny on the internet, I could tell Dave nearly as easily as if he were in the same room.

Not so in the construction business.  During the building season (April-November - give or take) he is on a job site as a hands-on member of the construction crew, which doesn't leave a hand free for conversational texting.  During the "off season" he is attending trade shows, visiting customers, working in the shop and generally not being accessible.  

Not that I have always had instant access to my husband.  I was a stay-at-home mom in the years before cell phones and home computers.  There were many long, long days when I handled the household, the finances, and children who wanted their daddy, who was working late.  But I tended to be a needy mess by the time he walked in.  

The "second-half me" refuses to fall back into that routine, so the goal is to build an independent life that includes Dave and the kids, but is not dependent on them. Thirty-two years of caring for others make that harder than it sounds.  It's been a long time since life was about me.  I don't mean that to sound like a diva - "it's all about me" - but I need to fill my days with my own interests, plans and missions.   

Now, all I need are interests, plans and missions.  

(Part II - "Finding Balance" - coming soon.)

A Fresh Start: Take 2

It's a new year . . . a fresh start, a clean slate, a chance to get rid of old habits and foster new ones, the season for making resolutions with no intention of keeping them.  I gave up on resolutions years ago, but I do like to pause at the beginning of the year to ponder what the year holds in store, and what I need/want to do to cope with it - good or bad.  In January of 2014, I anticipated a year of changes for our children - college graduations, a wedding, new jobs, new homes, new cities.  My focus for the year was on them and my "mom" role in each event.  I couldn't have foreseen how the year would actually go.

We did have two college graduations in May, but the wedding was called off, another marriage ended, some job offers were accepted and and some jobs ended.  One graduate moved 1500 miles and one moved twelve blocks.  It was, indeed, a year of changes for all of us, just not always as I expected.  We are gearing up for another year of big changes. I'll get into the specifics soon.

Although parenting never really ends, by August 2014 the anticipated events were past and I was feeling a restlessness about the future.  The restlessness lead to my "Life Under Construction" project, based on a newsletter article about mid-points:

"One of the challenges of the mid-way point of a project is pressing on to finish in spite of the setbacks of tiredness, lack of motivation, or loss of vision for the completed project."

I was feeling decidedly tired, unmotivated and lacking in vision, so I identified five "focuses":  faith, family, home, self and fun. (click on the LIFE UNDER CONSTRUCTION label below or in the sidebar to find all posts on the project).  I had some pretty good insights in a few areas, but I failed - epically - at the follow-through.  So, my fresh start is getting a fresh start for 2015.

While I'm keeping the name - "Life Under Construction" - and the premise - "to create a life where I'm comfortable" - the slightly rigid and entirely vague structure is outta here. My focus has swiveled from children to self - not in a selfish, egotistical way, but in order to "finish well".  

 When a woman makes the choice to marry, to have children; in one way her life begins but in another way it stops. You build a life of details. You become a mother, a wife and you stop and stay steady so that your children can move. And when they leave they take your life of details with them. And then you're expected to move again, only you don't remember what moves you because no-one has asked in so long. Not even yourself.  - from Bridges of Madison County

It's time for me to move again. During our New Year's Eve celebration, Dave commented that 2015 could possibly be our happiest yet.  That thought immediately made me feel guilty - as though it is wrong for me to be happy without children living in my house. At least not as happy as I was during the "glory years" of being a stay-at-home-mom with toddlers - the years that have always been my favorite.   But in the light of day, I realize that comparing the "happiness levels" of different ages/phases of life is impossible, not to mention pointless.  This is the phase I'm in now, and it's ok to be happy now.  I believe there are two keys to that happiness:  balance and independence.  I'll explain those in the next few days.

  My theme verse for 2015 is Philippians 1:6: 

"...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." 

I will not be complete in this life, but it's time to start moving forward purposefully rather than just aging.  

Throwing in the Towel . . . or the Quilt Block

One of the up sides to life in the "second half", is self-awareness.  I've had 50+ years to get to know myself - what I like, what I can do, what I want to do . . .  And sometimes that includes knowing when and what to give up. 

I began quilting in 2002 - starting by hand piecing and quilting a small wall-hanging from a kit.  There was a stretch in there, when I was working at the library and had kids in high school, that I didn't sew a stitch for five years.  I picked it back up about three years ago. I have made a dozen lap-size quilts, a couple doll quilts, and a bargello wall hanging that I adore.  I have my first full-size (queen size) quilt in progress and actually nearing completion of the top, if I would find time to work on it.

I've posted lately about making the "world's wildest quilt" from fabric my daughter selected.  The body of the quilt top is finally assembled - but not easily.  I have sewn and "un-sewn" the blocks so many times that some of the seams were coming loose along the edges, requiring some re-stitching.  Even with my most cautious seam ripping, some edges began to fray, keeping points from lining up precisely.  By the time I got it assembled this afternoon, my frustration level was high and I wasn't doing my best work.  I just wanted it done!  And that's when it hit me . . .   This is not my thing.  

Don't misunderstand, I love to sew.  And I enjoy cutting and piecing the occasional quilt block.  But I do not enjoy assembling intricate blocks and I do not enjoy the repetition of making dozens and dozens of the same block.   And I really, strenuously* do not enjoy juggling yards of fabric through my trusty Kenmore machine.  I much prefer smaller projects that I can finish and move on.

Why did it take me all those years to figure it out?  Because I wanted to BE a quilter.  I wanted to be part of the quilt-iverse; to speak the lingo and visit the wonderful shops and buy beautiful fabrics.   I wanted to be in the Quilter Club with these women and their beautiful creations.  

But today I realized how silly that is, so . . . I quit.  I am focusing on sewing small projects and having fun.  I will no long try to deceive myself - or anyone else - that I am a "quilter".  But here's the best part - - I'm ok with that. I can still appreciate the quilts others make, and maybe adapt their ideas into smaller versions.  I can still spend hours browsing through a quilt shop.  I can still buy beautiful fabrics and make beautiful creations.  And if I stick to creating things I enjoy, I can do it well.  

Footnotes:

* This is a reference to a line from the movie A Few Good Men - Demi Moore's character "strenuously objects" during one of the courtroom scenes.  It's a favorite phrase at our house.

This is the wild quilt top so far.  I'll post more about it when it's done - including a close-up of the fabrics.  The magenta fabric (in the top left block) has elephants on it, and the orange-ish looking fabric is actually magenta  with neon yellow squares.  The border and backing are two more wild fabrics.  And yes, the arrangement of blocks isn't exactly what I intended, but by the time I noticed it I would rather have set fire to it than take it apart one more time.  

Life Under Construction: Family

I have been avoiding writing about this topic because then I have to face it, and I'm not crazy about parts of it.  But, changes in family relationships are an inevitable part of life after 50, and ignoring them won't make them go away.  So, here goes!

Obviously, my relationship with my children has changed this year.  They both graduated from college in May and became "official adults".  Mitch is now an RN working in ICU, plus doing cornea removal for transplant, and volunteering for a Regional Rescue Team and local Rural Fire Dept.  His time is at a premium.  Amanda set off to explore the world before she settles down.  Part of my epiphany on our mother/daughter day was understanding her desire to stretch her boundaries.  

While these changes have been a joy to watch, they have also been painful.  These two people have been my focus for twenty-four years.  They are part of me in a way they will not understand until they hold heir own child.  I got my identity from being their mom, and it was my responsibility to care for and protect them.  Even when they were in college and relatively independent, I still "mothered" them - gave advice, fixed problems, did whatever made their life a little easier.  

That dynamic has changed - as it should.  I can only mother when asked.   When I try to step in and do things for her, Amanda reacts with, "Mom, I got this.  I'll figure it out."   Mitch mentioned trading vehicles - something we agree it's time to do - and I immediately started researching models, prices and trade-in value.  His response to my overstepping was silence.  Both methods get the point across - "If I need your help, I'll ask."  

My relationship with my parents has changed also.  They are in remarkably good health in their late 70's - praise the Lord - but there is a slow shift in roles.  They have always been my safety net.  Just as my children can call on me when they can't handle something alone, I have always known that my parents stood ready to catch me if i fell.  And they still would, I don't doubt that.  The shift has been in my willingness to ask.  They have done their share of worrying about me and mine.  They deserve to be worry-free at this stage and I need to give them that - at least as much as it is within my control to do.  

I'm feeling like a peeled banana.  Things are being stripped away and, as natural and inevitable as the process is, I'm left feeling "exposed" and searching for a new cover - a new identity.  Yes, I am still a wife to a wonderful husband, but there is a lot of space now for me to be me.  But I'm not sure I know who that is.  Certainly not the young woman who started this family 32 years ago. Not a librarian.  Not the daughter who depended on her parents.  Not the stay-at-home mom or the wife of an up-and-coming manager.  Not even a friend (but we're not going there today, that's a post of it's own.)  So who am I?

I think a large part of my recent obsession with creativity has been a search for identity - I'm a quilter or an artist or a seamstress.  However, I'm not proficient enough at any of them to really claim those titles and, even if I could, applying a label doesn't change the contents.

The answer to "Who am I?" is this:  "I am a child of the Great I AM."  I know that title is the only one I need to be concerned with, but to be honest, I'm still floundering. How does that relationship affect my other relationships?  As a pastor friend of ours would say, "What is the application?" As a Christian, I am called to serve, but how do I serve my children, my husband and my parents in this new phase of life?

If you're reading on to see how I answered that question, you're going to be disappointed.  I don't have a clue. But, there's no choice but to keep searching for the answers, and for my place in this new life.  

Bookish Fun, Fun, Fun . . .

"Disgusted with life, she withdrew
 to the  society of books"
 -- Rosina Emmett Sherwood

 I have spent my adult life arranging my schedule around my family - What will they want to eat?  When will they want to eat it?  Do they have clean underwear?  Do they have homework?  What time will they be home?  As selfish as it sounds, I'm ready to take advantage of the freedom of the "second half" and keep my own schedule.  

One of the advantages of this new chapter of life is that I have more leisure time.  Other than a full-time job, my time is pretty much my own.  There are household chores, lawn and garden chores, and a few other responsibilities, but a lot fewer than there used to be.   More time for "fun".

A few days ago I posted about the various creative methods I'm trying and how much I'm enjoying the freedom to explore and experiment.  However, this new love of creativity is pulling me away from an old love - books.  I have been an avid reader since I learned the ABC's.  Reading has always been my first choice of leisure activities - until recently.  I have read fewer books in 2014 than in any year since 1966.  

Besides curling up in a comfy chair to "withdraw to the society of books", there are several bookish activities that add to my reading enjoyment:

Dewey's 24-Hour Readathon - This amazing event is held every April and October and I look forward to it and plan for it way in advance. There are hourly prize drawings, challenges, Twitter conversations and lots of blogs to visit. It can be a challenge to actually get any reading done, but the social aspect is at least half the fun.  Next Readathon is Oct. 18 - go here to sign up.

Goodreads - I love Goodreads!  For those who aren't familiar, Goodreads is a web site where you can fill virtual bookshelves with the books you have read, are currently reading or hope to read.  Especially for women in their "second half", It's a great way to remember what you've already read and even what you thought of it.  The mobile version is an easy way to keep your TBR (to be read) list handy when going to the library or book store, and you can find out what your friends are reading, read their reviews, see what's trending and visit with authors.  If you are on Goodreads, look me up and become my friend.

T and T Book Club - The book club my sister and I started more than 15 years ago has come and gone and been resurrected in new form several times.  We alternate months to pick a book for both of us to read and create an "assignment" to go along with the book - like write a review on your blog, make a recipe inspired by the book, do a craft project or visit a site referred to in the book.  Teri and I have vastly different reading interests, so it can be a challenge to select a book, but it's good for both of us to stretch ourselves.

There are also bookish ideas that haven't been as successful:

Challenges - I flunk challenges!  I have tried several in the past and pledged to never sign up again.  But then I cave in and try again . . . and still don't finish them.  This year I signed up to fill out a Bingo card by reading various categories of mysteries.  So far I have one square filled.  The idea sound fun in theory, but the reality is not for disorganized, scattered women like me.  Renewed vow to never sign up for one again.

Blog Reviews - Five years ago, this was strictly a book blog and I tried to write lengthy, witty summations of everything I read.  But I got over myself.  No on really cares about my opinion - no matter how witty - on every book I read.  So now I only write full reviews for books I love.  It's the blog equivalent of calling a friend and saying "You HAVE to read this!"  All other books get a 2-line "mini review" or no mention at all.  I think we're all happier. :) 

Looking for more time to read brings me back to this post about "wise use of time" , in which I said I was going to put the phone down, get away from Pinterest and Facebook . . . uh, yeah - not doing so well there.  But I'm making a renewed commitment - put down the phone and pick up a book.

And We'll Have Fun, Fun, Fun . . .

 Remake myself for the "second half" of life, get rid of bad habits, cultivate new ones, look at life with a fresh perspective, go forward without all the baggage.  That's the plan. So far my goals are to keep a clean organized house, eat healthy and exercise, manage my time and money, tame my tongue, control my anger . . .  but it doesn't all have to be so serious. Sometimes a girl just wants to have fun, right?   I don't mean the big-ticket items, like spending time with my kids and grandkids, traveling, or shopping at Hobby Lobby - but the stuff that I can make a part of every day to make life "fun".   My ideas of fun fall into three divisions: Books,  Social Networks, and Creativity.   

I'll get back to the first two areas later, but for now - a word on creativity.  "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." - Genesis 1:1  "God created man in His own image." - Genesis 1:27.  If God is the creator, and we are made in His image, we are creators also.  I believe we all have the need and the ability to be creative.  Maybe you express it with blue-ribbon-winning quilts, maybe you paint beautiful pictures, maybe you sing, or build furniture, or bake cupcakes.  Maybe your creativity comes out in your organizational skills or event planning or teaching Sunday School.  Maybe you don't see any creativity in your life, but I promise you, the potential is there - you just don't recognize it.

Don't limit yourself to one form of creativity.  I never thought I had any "artistic" abilities - - and I was right.  I can't draw anything beyond a stick figure, but I can do intricate cross-stitch (at least I could before bifocals),  I can make simple quilts and sewing projects, and draw Zentangles, and knit on a loom.  I can tat lace and I can play the piano (even though I don't much any more), and I can write a story. Most recently,  I discovered that I can paint with watercolors.  Do I do all of these things skillfully?  No.  Do I have fun trying?  Absolutely!  And once in a while, something turns out well and I am as surprised as any one.

Actually, my issue is that I can't - or don't - narrow it down.  I jump from project to project, with very little getting finished in a timely manner.  At times I think I should narrow my focus.  If I gave up some areas, I would have more time (and money) to become proficient at others.  But . . . nah!  One of the joys of life after fifty is that I have more "me" time and less concern about what other people think. I love the experience of trying new things, and if my watercolor paintings aren't gallery worthy, I'm ok with that.  

This quote from David Louis hangs on the wall of my craft/sewing room:

Never ask for approval in your work.  Life is your own, inspiration is your own, you create alone, and the results are your own - and that's good enough.

A Gentle and Quiet Spirit

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. - 1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

Today I'm looking at the second half of the "Self" branch of my Life Under Construction project.  I posted about the first half - wise use of time, and faithful stewardship of money - a couple weeks ago.  The two remaining focuses are:

• improve my health
• maintain a "quiet spirit"

Improved health is kind of a no-brainer for me.  In 2012, I lost fifty-five pounds, was able to stop taking blood pressure and cholesterol medications, improved my cardiovascular and muscular strength and felt great.   Over the next 18 months, I turned stupid, gained a chunk of it back, am struggling with old issues and it's all my own fault because I eat to satisfy emotions that will never be satisfied by a hamburger or a cupcake.  I am back on NutriSystem, talking to God about those emotions, and reminding myself that joy does not depend on size.  I do not have to put off enjoying life until I'm at my goal weight.  Moving on...

The idea of having a "quiet spirit" has always fascinated me.  I have a rather "exuberant" [loud and talkative] personality - at least when I'm around people I'm comfortable with -  and I have occasionally been hurt by negative comments about it.  I used to read this scripture from 1 Peter and promise myself I would have a "quiet spirit" from now on so no one would ever think that about me again.  But changing who you are is a difficult task, and of course I would forget and slip into old ways, until the next time my feelings were hurt.

Now that I view that verse from the perspective of fifty-plus years, I see that volume and quantity of words are not what Peter was addressing.  I am the person God created, and sometimes she's loud and talkative.  That doesn't mean I can't also have "a gentle and quiet spirit."  

Gentle and quiet will certainly not be words that come to mind when my children think of their teen years.  As typical teens, they gave me frequent cause to be angry and I did not handle it well.  I seem to remember raised voices, slammed doors and threats - and that was on a good day.  Now that they are adults, I hope that they will see a different attitude.  A "gentle and quiet spirit" does not react in anger.  That is not to say she never becomes angry, but that she controls her anger rather than the other way around.

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry -  James 1:19

I hope that my children and grandchildren will feel comfortable confiding in me and seeking advice.  A gentle and quiet spirit listens without interrupting, considers what is being said, and "speaks the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). 

"Unfading beauty" - Whatever outward beauty I may have had is certainly fading - lines where their used to be smooth skin, thin hair where their used to be volume - but I accept that and try to strike a balance between looking my best and not wasting too much time and money.  A woman who abides in Christ finds her worth and value in her relationship with Him, and that grows more beautiful with age.

Some people create their own storm and then get angry when it rains. (found on Facebook)  A gentle and quiet spirit does just the opposite.  Daily time in God's Word and praying continually give her a foundation that can't be shaken.  She is at rest during the storms of life because she rests in Jesus.

I certainly haven't achieved this goal yet.  My anger usually comes out in more controlled ways now, but then I don't have teenagers living in my house.  I am finding it easier to listen to and encourage my children without trying to make decisions for them.  But not always.  The desire to run to God's Word wins out over the desire to phone a friend during a crisis - sometimes.  The face in the mirror could use some Botox, but one day she'll smile at the reflection of Christ she sees there.

That is what I want my children and grandchildren to remember of me in my "second half".   That is my prayer for my Life Under Construction:  

"God grant me the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit."

Time is Money . . . or Is It?

The previous post took me at least six hours, spread over nearly a week, to write and the only reason it made it to the blog at all was because I became so frustrated that I finally just hit publish to stop looking at it.  What was intended to be thoughts on making my home my sanctuary instead turned into a list of chores.  The chores need to be done, and I do need to get into a routine, but it just wasn't what I intended.  This whole "life re-do" thing isn't as easy as I thought, and it's a lot more glamorous in my head than in reality.  But, more items have been added to the pile for the garage sale - tentatively scheduled for Saturday;and I have kept up the 3-part daily rule - make the bed, wash the dishes and clear the table - for the most part; so that's progress.  Onward!

You can't steal second base and keep your foot on first. - Frederick R. Wilcox

While I continue to work on the "home as haven" plan, I'm working on my self as well. My "blueprint" for this area contains four points that I want to work on.  I'm sure there will be more as I progress, but this is my launching pad:

1.  Wise use of time
2.  Faithful stewardship of money
3.  Improve my health
4.  Maintain a "quiet spirit"

This post is going to cover numbers one and two - and money can be dealt with in just three rules.  I know how to practice stewardship, I just need to do it!  First, tithe (Malachi 3:10) - no cheating.  Second, help those less fortunate (and we live in an area where there are many.)  Third, "things" are never going to make me happy, so stop trying to buy contentment.  Cutting down (or ending) recreational shopping means less clutter (!!) and more money for important things.  If I have less, I can have nicer.

We buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like. (attributed to various sources)

Unlike money, time is a finite resource.  There is no way to earn more time, or to pinch minutes like we do pennies - trying to make them last.  Time marches on, whether or not we are using it wisely.  And there is no bank account for time - we can't check our balance to see how much is left, so wise use of each day seems crucial.

I'm hoping my retirement isn't too far in the future but, for now, I work an 8:00-5:00 job. Including prep and drive time, and a reasonable amount of sleep, that leaves me, at most, five hours of discretionary time each week day.  Five hours out of twenty-four to buy groceries, cook, keep house, do laundry, mow the lawn, get my hair cut, exercise, take the dog for a walk, call my mom, work in the garden, water the flowers . . .  And I didn't even get to "fun" activities.  And weekends fill up just as fast.  

I need to "declutter" my time, as well as my house.  In order to spend time on those things that add value and beauty to my life (as I stated in my original LUC post) I have to get rid of the things that rob me of minutes. The biggest culprit is easy to identify - smart phone!  It's not the phone itself - I mean, not like I'm making phone calls - it's Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest and games.  I already broke the habit of games that attach me to real people (like Words With Friends) because that just guilted me into playing more.  But it's still easy to think I have time for "just one" game of solitaire.

I enjoy Facebook as a way to keep in touch with family and friends that I don't see on a regular basis, but it can also be a time thief.  If I had to go to the computer to access Facebook, I would only look at it once a day, at most, so why not just remove the app from my phone and take away the temptation?  Because 90% of what I want to post involves a picture, which is on my phone, making it so much more convenient to post from there.  (There is a negative, "drama" side to Facebook that I'm sure most of you have encountered.  That falls under the "quiet spirit" section that I'll get to on another day.)

Pinterest is one of my biggest time bandits.  I'm sorry to keep teasing (or threatening?) you with future posts, but creativity is one of the largest areas of focus in this life I'm trying to build and Pinterest fuels that drive.  However, at times it fuels it with Mountain Dew and chocolate, and I end up with creative ADHD - bouncing from one project to another and never completing anything.  Is there any reason to browse Pinterest several times/day?

I'm sure I waste valuable time in other ways, but they pale in comparison to the minutes that slip away as I stare at my phone screen.  So the next change in my Life Under Construction is to step away from the smart phone.  If time allows, I can glance at Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest during slow times at work, when I'm forced to stare at a screen anyway.  But during those precious five hours each day, I will look up, look around, and actually live this Life Under Construction.  

Life Under Construction: Home

Morty:  There's only two of us.  How much dirt can we manufacture?
Lee:  More than you'd think!

That Swiffer commercial makes me laugh every time.  I am constantly amazed at the amount of dirt and clutter two people can generate - especially when assisted by two dogs

I have chosen to address the Home category of my Life Under Construction first because it feels more attainable than some of the others.  My home is my haven.  It's the place where I can have the things and activities and ideas and people that make me feel comfortable, safe, accepted and happy.  I'm not naive (or deluded) enough to believe that all troubles go away just because I come home and lock the door.  I am also aware that I am not the only bird in this nest, and we often fly to our own drummers. Compromise is key to building this "second half" life that we can share, yet where I can be "me".   Fortunately, I have an understanding, low-maintenance nest-mate.

So let's get practical.  The home I am working for is:

• Peaceful
• Simple
• Beautiful
• Efficient

What steps do I need to take to create and maintain that home?  I tried and tried to lay out a four-point plan, with steps to take in each of the four distinct areas, but I found that the areas overlap too much for that, so it became more of a list of ideas that touch on all four areas.

I love visiting my sister, Teri.  Her house feels peaceful as soon as you walk in the door.  She is an excellent housekeeper and she attributes what I feel to the lack of clutter - even her closets and cabinets are organized.  I know that Teri has days when things pile up, but her ability to keep "stuff" pared to a minimum and organized makes it easier to recover from those days.  On the flip side, my constant searches for items that "I just saw the other day" drives me nuts and certainly isn't peaceful or efficient.  Another peace-wrecking habit at our house is dropping everything on the kitchen table, where it remains until I get annoyed enough to clear it. 

Step One towards the home I want is:

• a thorough sorting of every cabinet and closet and STORAGE SPACE (putting more stuff into boxes to store doesn't count)
• paring our possessions to the minimum
• disposing of what we don't need/want (garage sale or donation to thrift store)
• organizing what remains

I am making headway on this step, but there's a ways to go.  And I need to cut a little deeper - not only because I don't need this stuff but because someone else might.  If I can clear closet space while helping someone else, that's double the blessing.  Next step - get the pile of donation items out of the basement.

Step Two:  Make the bed every morning, do the dishes every night (I don't have a dishwasher), clear the table daily. I have been implementing this rule for a week now and it makes a big difference.  The house feels more under control.  

Step Three:  Once the major organizational stuff is complete, the next step is a chore plan.  My mom is a Saturday cleaner - 4-5 hours, once a week, every room.  It works for her, but we're gone on weekends frequently, so I want to develop an idea for keeping housekeeping chores (dusting, vacuuming, laundry, mopping, etc) done on a regular rotation.  I'm still working on that and open for suggestions.  Anyone have a flexible schedule that works?   I'm not aiming for a spotless house, just avoiding panicked cleaning when company's coming, and that overwhelmed feeling that comes from having too much to do on a weekend.

Those three steps are a good base for an efficient home.  They even touch on simplicity, peacefulness and beauty, but those words have more meaning than just "a place for everything and everything in it's place".   

 "Peaceful" = free from strife, commotion or disorder.  We've covered disorder, so how about strife and commotion?   Television is probably the leading cause of strife and commotion in our house for two reasons:  a.  we disagree on what to watch and b.  we disagree on the volume at which to watch it.    Honestly, I could probably . . . maybe . . . conceivably . . . give up TV altogether.  I have actually started a blog post on that subject so I won't go in to detail now, but the point is that I find 90% of what's on to be very "unpeaceful".   Dave, on the other hand, enjoys some of the unpeaceful shows and, being hearing-impaired in one ear, he enjoys them loudly.  Frequently, I use that time to read or sew in another area of the house, but that's not always possible, so that area requires some compromise.

Of course the world is not a peaceful place.  Whether it's local, national or world news, there's very little that's hopeful and certainly nothing peaceful.  I suppose I could chose to put my head in the sand and pretend everything is hunky-dory, but being ignorant of evil doesn't keep me safe from it.  I keep up on headline news, however, the endless vitriol that makes up the majority of news channel programming is not welcome in my nest, so I refuse to watch.  When Dave does, I leave the room.  It's not a perfect solution, but we're working on it.

What about beauty?  Don't go looking for my home in the pages of House Beautiful.  I'm sure many would find our collection of mis-matched belongings anything but beautiful, and to be totally honest, sometimes I would agree.  :)  

Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful. - William Morris

"You ... believe to be beautiful"  That doesn't say have nothing that is not approved by  Nate Berkus or that costs less than $1000.  Just that YOU believe it to be beautiful.  That includes the macaroni art your 5-year-old made.  What it doesn't include - and this is where I've gotten stuck over the years - is the gift from Aunt Tilly that you sincerly DON'T find beautiful, but you display it anyway.  So, as I'm sorting and disposing, I'm also asking myself "Do you find this to be beautiful?"  If the answer is no, it goes.  If the answer is yes, but I have no room for it, it goes anyway - or replaces something else that I find less beautiful.  It's a dog-eat-dog world in a small house!  

I used to watch House Hunters on HGTV and nearly every perspective buyer wanted a bigger home so they had space to entertain.  Obviously these people are living a different life than we are.  We rarely entertain, and when we do it's usually around the fire-pit. The majority of our visitors are family and a few close friends and with age has come the knowledge (and I'm still working on implementing it) that I don't have to impress them.   My home needs to be beautiful ONLY to me.   

My daughter gave me a dresser tray for Christmas.  She made it from an ornate gold picture frame that she filled with vintage fabric, pearls, buttons, etc.  I love it and sat it on my bed-side table to hold some lotion, a couple bookmarks, my glasses, etc., but it was just a bit large for the space.  After six months it dawned on me that it didn't HAVE to be in the bedroom just because it's called a dresser tray.  I find it to be beautiful on my coffee table where it catches my Nook, a small book of crossword puzzles, a pin cushion, a cup of coffee and various other small items. And it makes me smile every time I see it.

Regardless of what house we live in, my goal for my Home is tostop thinking "what will people think?" and ask myself "do I find this to be beautiful?"

Life Under Construction: The Inspiration

The only constant is change.  My children are now college graduates with lives of their own.  Like it or not, my life is changing again. I am facing the "mid-way point" I wrote about in my last post.  The challenge of the mid-way point is getting beyond the "tiredness, lack of motivation and loss of vision" for the future and forming a new vision.  I'm not in a position to make huge changes.  I'm not going to explore the Amazon or take a year to try some stunt then write a book about it.  But I do need to get out of my "mom" spot.  I don't remember where, but I read years ago that moms stand still so that their children can hang onto them and grow.  That's a beautiful word picture and I believe I did that for my children (and loved it!), but they are strong enough to stand on their own now and I'm an empty trellis.  It's time to move and rediscover me.

One of the joys of aging is the ability to know and accept myself.  I'm not there yet - that's what this project is about - but there are areas where I can say "This is me, deal with it."  I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, but in the sense that I have stopped apologizing for the things I like or don't like.  Life Under Construction is a journey further down that road - to create a life where I'm comfortable.

I spent some time considering what I really want in and from life in this next phase and I concluded that, for starters, I need a physical and metaphorical closet cleaning to rid my home and life of the things that no longer serve a purpose, and start fresh with only those things that add value and beauty.  I thought about the "things" I have and want to keep, those I want to add, those I am forced to give up - willingly or not - and those I can't wait to throw in the trash.  Unfortunately, there are some areas that are beyond my control.  As much as I would like to do a Reverse 360 Double Pump Slam Dunk into the dumpster with them, that's not possible. So, my plan needs to include a way to cope with those things without derailing everything else.  I laid out a general "blueprint" for constructing the life I want, divided into five areas:  Faith, Family, Home, Self and Fun. 

I am reading Never Too Late: Your Roadmap to Reinvention by Claire Cook as part of my

life re-do.  The book is mostly career focused and, heaven knows, I'm not looking for a second (or first) career.  You will notice that work did not even make my list.  That's because my job falls into the "wish I could slam dunk" category, but at the moment that is not fiscally responsible, so I show up, I do my assigned tasks to the best of my abilities, I go home, rinse, repeat. Obviously, it eats up a huge portion of my time, without contributing much in return except money.  One of my challenges will be to find the value in my job. The advice offered by Ms. Cook applies in other areas as well, so I'll be sharing tidbits as I go along.  

Remember, this is an ongoing project, not just a series of posts that will be over in a week.  I will be sharing my starting points in each of my five categories in the near future, but I will continue to post updates as I learn and change . . .   Watch for posts with the Life Under Construction banner.

For starters, the blog got a new look that I'm excited about. A custom blog theme has been on my wish list for several years.  The blog content is getting a makeover as well.  I have let the creativity drain out of the blog until even I didn't want to read it.  But, writing falls under Fun, so we'll get back to that later. 

Life Under Construction

Just One More Thing will soon be wrapping up five years of publishing posts about books, crafts, family, life and utter nonsense.  Hard to believe!  In those five years, Mitch and Amanda graduated from high school and college, we moved to Green Acres, I left my dream job as a librarian, I turned 50 ... and 51... and 52 ...

So here I am at 53.  My children are adults.  What now?  Time to regroup.  A dear lady, Nancy K. Grace, wrote about mid-way points in her e-newsetter, GraceNotes, 

"One of the challenges of the mid-way point of a project is pressing on to finish in spite of the setbacks of tiredness, lack of motivation, or loss of vision for the completed project."

I realize 53 is most likely not the "mid-way" point of my life, but I am feeling a decided tiredness and loss of vision for both the blog and life - so, both are getting an overhaul. Not just a facelift, although that is part of the plan (figuratively for me and literally for the blog) - but a true remodel, tear away those things that are not necessary for the next chapter and start fresh with only those things which add value and beauty to my "second half".

This process could take a while, and you may have to suffer with me through some of the rehab, but I hope you'll stick around - or return if you were a follower in an earlier era - and see the results of a Life Under Construction.